im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
