Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
