have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
