Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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