he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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