New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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