They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
