Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
