I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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