Jerry, you need to find god
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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