There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
