Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
