It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
