you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
