Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
