But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
