Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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