I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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