the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my sisters under your porch take her home
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
