If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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