She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
