im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
