nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
