Me too!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
