I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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