All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
