I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
