So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
