it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
