I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You are the jesus of drinking
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
