i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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