apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
