I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
