im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
