Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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