I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just googled if crying burns calories
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
