Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
