when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
