I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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