so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
