Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
