Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
