i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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