he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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