What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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