I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
