my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
