quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
