it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
