Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As shirtless as possible
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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